Nicole Kidman just gave the best parenting advice – so why do so many disagree?

As Nicole Kidman jetted into Sydney, Australia, for a special screening of her new film Practical Magic 2 at the weekend – bringing her 15-year-old daughter Faith along for moral support – there was one message for the world: Don’t treat your children like your BFFs.

The star who was interviewed by Australia’s Daily Telegraph, rebuffed the suggestion that she was “mates” with her daughters Sunday, 18, and Faith, saying “no” loud and clear in the video.

“You’re a mother first. You’re a mother, but you’re also a guide, a mentor, a safe haven, the place you can always come home to,” she said.

“But ultimately, as I always say to my kids, no, I’m not here to be your best friend, I’m here to actually be the person who is your rock.”

I’m totally with Nicole Kidman on this – it’s not right for parents to treat their children like best friends. Like most mums, I’ve been guilty of it a few times, but I quickly correct myself because kids need to hear the word “no”.

And according to Kidman’s eldest daughter, Sunday – now a catwalk model – it’s true they aren’t best friends with their mum, even if it might look that way, especially after their parents separated in September last year after 19 years of marriage.

Sunday and Faith were seen flanking their mum for her first major public appearance after splitting from husband Keith Urban at Paris Fashion Week for the Chanel Spring/Summer 2026 last October. And during this latest whirlwind trip to Australia, Kidman admitted that “Faithy got on the plane with me and she’s like, ‘I’m coming, you’re not doing this alone’.”

But despite Kidman looking every inch the “cool mum” with her two bestie daughters by her side, the rules are very much in place. Sunday told Nylon magazine last year how her now divorced parents have “two big rules”.

“The first was that I couldn’t explore any kind of fashion work until I was 16. And the second is that school always has to come first, which at first I hated, but I am actually really glad that I have these rules in place because it keeps me in a good mindset.”

But this not-mates mindset is something that parents are increasingly struggling with. While Kidman might have parenting sussed, it’s easy to morph into your child’s best friend when you go to the same music festivals, like the same music and shop for similar clothes in the same kind of shops as they do.

Pretending that age doesn’t matter has become the latest flex among Gen X especially. This was the generation who powered the Nineties, so now their own Gen Z children are so enamoured with the era, it’s no coincidence that hanging out with their mini-me teens has become something of a parenting trend.

Rather than set rules, these parents are vying for the ultimate “cool mum” and dad medal; happy to relive the good days by having new good times with their teen kids.

And parents can fall into the faux-intimacy in other ways too. You might hear them joining in Gen A and Z slang by sticking in “like”, “slay” and “6-7” in sentences as if they forget to leave the Year 4 classroom after school drop-off.

In other instances, with mums looking twenty years younger than previous generations, many of us simply forget our age and end up asking our kids advice on everything from fashion to festivals and even relationships. I must admit that occasionally as an over-tired single mum, I’ve asked my tween’s advice which I should have saved for my best friend.

But it’s cringe to be your daughter’s bestie. And even though it feels like the easy thing to do, it’s really not. Not only are all those Gen X parents giving their children the ick from their crazy tales of raving, but it’s also going to be much harder for them to be taken seriously when they are trying to impose curfeews and warnings about drugs.

“The boundaries between adult and youth culture are less distinct than they once were,” agrees Dr Amanda Gummer, child development expert and founder of The Good Play Guide. And while she says a move from the much more authoritarian parenting of previous generations can be seen as a good thing, she adds:“the issue is whether the parent is still prepared to be the adult when it matters”.

Ultimately, children need someone who can set boundaries, tolerate being unpopular, make decisions they may not like. And if parents feel uncomfortable with this, they need to consider why. “For some parents, wanting to be a child’s best friend may also meet an emotional need of their own”, Gummer continues. “If maintaining closeness or avoiding conflict becomes more important than giving the child what they developmentally need, the relationship can become muddled.”

As children grow into adulthood, of course, that balance changes and genuine friendship can become part of the relationship. But during the teen years, your children always need a parent more than they need another best friend.

Clinical psychologist, Dr Emma Svanberg, and author of 2023’s Parenting for Humans: How to Parent the Child You Have, As the Person You Are, says that what Kidman describes, as being a “rock” for her daughters, is something that is absolutely backed up by decades of research into parenting.

“It is has been shown to promote secure and resilient children,” she tells me. Authoritative parents are warm and nurturing, but they also have clear boundaries. “They respect their children but are clearly the captains of the family ship,” she says.

This is opposed to permissive parenting trends which tend to avoid conflict, and double down on how everyone is equal in the family group, with an equal say.

“There might be a lot of warmth present, but not many boundaries. For some children this means that they end up being the ones who create the boundaries – either by stepping into a parental role, or by ‘pushing the boundaries’ until they are given a limit.”

Dr Claire Hart, Associate Professor of Social and Personality Psychology at the University of Southampton, explains: “Being close to your child, enjoying their company and creating a relationship in which they feel able to talk openly to you can be extremely positive.”

The difficulty comes, however, if being their friend starts to take priority over being their parent.

“A friend is essentially your equal; a parent has responsibilities that a friend doesn’t,” she continues. “Sometimes good parenting means making a decision your child doesn’t particularly like.”

She advises that children need warmth and emotional responsiveness, but they also need guidance and a sense that the adult is ultimately responsible.

“If a parent becomes reluctant to say no, impose rules or risk upsetting their child because they want to preserve that friendship, the relationship may begin to look more like permissive parenting. Research has associated permissive parenting with less positive outcomes for children, including poorer social competence and academic performance.”

As Kidman has worked out, you really don’t want to be friends with your kids. At the end of the day, parenting is full of conflict and that is hard for many people to deal with as it’s fraught with arguments, but saying “no” is half of the job.

If my kids aren’t screaming “I hate you” at least a few times a month, I know I’m probably doing something wrong.